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Hope for the Hurt.


One of her seven surgeries.

Warm tears were streaming down her face and there I sat a little dumfounded. Just moments ago we were cuddling and giggling goofy. She is five and she spends her days being silly, light hearted, helpful, soaking in everything she can. She learns so quickly.

Why had I not wondered if she knew?

She knows about China. She knows about adoption. She speaks of “China Momma” by name. And we talk about “Cleffie”…her name for bilateral cleft lip and palate that was not repaired until she was nearly three.

I wiped the tears.

It all started out of nowhere. We were naming her friends. She loves to do this.

“Mommy, I love you, Daddy, Finn, Mussie, Charlie and all my friends. I love Marlee, Izee, Aden, Addison, Sophie……..” The list went on.

Then a tear came.

“I talk different them all of them.”, she said., , It was here she buried her face into my chest and sobbed.

I had not been ready for this tonight. The dishes were not finished, eggs still sat crusting up the pan. The other children were waiting for me to read and I could hear them getting restless.,  But, it doesn’t matter if I wasn’t ready. She was and this is one reason I go by the name Momma, so that when her heart is, sad it is my, arms that stop to hold her.

She cried and I rocked her.,  We spoke of her cleft lip and palate, her progress with speech therapy, how very far she has come. We spoke of being special, unique, and inspirational. We sang and I got silly enough in my version of “Let it Go” that she smiled again and the tears stopped.

There are days when all of this is heavy.

Raising a child with baggage~ the hurt of loss, the void of information unknown, abuse, neglect, special needs that continue on~ it can be heavy to bear.

I kissed her and tucked her in. We will no doubt have this conversation again and again.,  I believe her awareness now regarding how she sounds and speaks will only assist her in her journey of speech.

Its heavy to wipe those tears.

And at the same time I am full of joy to carry it.

Her hurt is heavy, but the hope I have for her is stronger.



Advocacy: Cai!

Recently turned 5 year old Cai, listed with Madison Adoption Associates, just got an update today! Cai is diagnosed with mild CP and a hemangioma on the forehead (it is very possible that he has Sturge Weber). Cai is receiving excellent care in a foster care center and he has shown great improvement in his development since being moved there. He has a beautiful smile and it almost never leaves his face. Watch Cai’s new video to see him playing hard to get and hiding behind that fan. Even that fan can’t hide his huge smile! Some lucky family is going to be blessed by this ray of sunshine!


1. How is his language? Does he speak using 2-3 words or in sentences?
He can speak single words or double words, and cannot speak in sentence, but he can express himself.

2. How are his gross motor skills? Can he run, hop, jump, and climb like other normally developing peers?
He can walk and run, but his left foot leans to the left side. His left hand is weak. Compared with his peers, he is weak physically.

3. How are his fine motor skills? Can he pick-up small objects with his thumb and index finger? Can he use a pencil or crayon to write or color?
He can pick up small things with his thumb and index fingers.He can write with a pencil.

4. How does his special
need affect him? Is there anything he can’t do that you feel he should be able to do at five?
He is lack of imagination, and cannot tell others what he thinks and feels.

5. Who is he closest to?
He is close to his good friends Guanghai and Guangyi, and his nanny Yang Xiulian.

6. What is his favorite activity to do?
He likes outdoor activities, like walking and running.

7. What comforts him when he gets upset?
He doesn’t like noise. Quietness can help him calm down.

8.How would you describe his personality?
He is introverted, full of emotion. He is also optimistic and curious. He loves to study the new things, and he is very help to others. In a word, he is a good boy.

9. How is his eating? Can he eat independently and is he picky?
He eats on his own, and he is not picky of food.

10. Is he potty trained during the daytime? How about at night?
In daytime, he goes to toilet by himself, at night he puts on a diaper.

To review Cai’s file, go here:

If you would like to learn more about Cai or would be interested in adoption Cai, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review form, which can be found here:

Advocacy: Steven

3 year old Steven is beyond adorable! , You don’t want to miss his precious videos….especially the 2nd one listed when he says ‘bye bye’ in the cutest little voice ever! ,  Steven is diagnosed with albinism and is newly designated to Madison Adoption Associates. , A recent update confirmed that he is not delayed and is starting to potty train. He likes to eat and help pass out snacks to other children. He likes to dance and can speak in simple words and follow simple commands.
From Jan. 2015:
From October 2014:
A traveling family who happens to also have two children with albinism was able to meet Steven three weeks ago. , They said: , “Steven is adorable! He was very sweet and somewhat shy. We brought him a hat and sunglasses. He liked the hat but was unsure about the glasses.He was walking and talking and appeared to be developmentally on track. It was apparent that he was one of the favorites and is used to being given lots of love and attention, which is not the case for every child at his orphanage. He was timid around us and afraid to let me hold him at first. We spent about 30 mins there with him and the other kids.” , This family would be happy to talk to an interested family about Steven, about albinism, or about his orphanage and home province. , Video and photos are available from this family as well!
From Steven’s file: Steven can walk while holding onto something (obviously he can walk now based on his videos). He can play with the other kids, can call dad and mom, and can say good bye to others. Steven can pull other,,¦¾šs by the hand, can put on his shoes with help, and can go up stairs independently.
If you would like to see Steven’s file (updates not included), please go here:
If you are interested in learning more about Steven or you are interested in adopting Steven, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here: ,