Our director posted this article on the MAA facebook page as she was touched by it and felt that this writer and mother hit the nail on the head. At MAA all of our families work through training with their social worker to understand that spanking a child who has a history of abuse, neglect, trauma, and institutionalization can bring on more trauma…more hurt…more distance. I think Dana, the author of this post, did a lovely job of raising this issue in a grace filled and honest manner:
Dear Christian Parent Adopting an Older Child,
I want to plead with you not to spank.
I realize you’ve parented your biological children well. As you’ve taught and trained them to love and follow Jesus, spanking has been one of the tools in your toolbox. You’ve seen it bear fruit in their lives.
But when you adopt your new child, it’s going to take a long time to build trust.
Think about it. You didn’t spank your bio kids when they were infants. In fact, by the time you got to the point of using corporal punishment, even just a swat on the bottom, you had consistently been meeting their needs for many, many months.
“Yes, I’ll feed you.”
“Yes, I’ll change your diaper.”
“Yes, I’ll comfort you.”
Before you ever said, “No,” you said, “Yes,” about a gazillion times.
They knew you. They loved you. They trusted you.
You will not have that same love and trust in the beginning with your newly adopted older child……