Happily Ever After. We all know what it means.
We all know not everyone gets theirs. But we also know we only do the job
we do for the kids who wait with that goal in mind. So that they can find
their Happily Ever After. And one of the hardest questions we face – why
is it for some that when you think they’ve made it to the After, they then find
themselves still in the Before?
Meet Elizabeth. She is 13-years-old and was
internationally adopted and is now in the US, in what everyone involved had
hoped and assumed was her Happily Ever After. But it isn’t always that
easy, and she is once again waiting.
Elizabeth has successfully learned English, loves to read,
and loves listening to music, especially Christian. She loves to go
rollerblading, and enjoys all watersports including knee boarding.
Elizabeth likes playing soccer, and did very well as part of a team sport.
Elizabeth should be the youngest or only child in the family. She will need a family who will be her best advocate, and secure all possible resources that she will need in order to thrive. To respect her privacy, we have chosen not to share her photo publicly. If you are interested in learning more about Elizabeth, please submit our Prospective Adoptive Parent form and we will be in touch.
Madison Adoption Associates has always focused on finding families for waiting children, so we were surprised when our NGO partner in Bulgaria encouraged us to have families submit their dossiers requesting referrals of children with Down syndrome, instead of requesting to be matched with a waiting child. But once they explained their reasoning, it made so much sense.
First, it’s important to understand what we mean when we say “waiting child”- a waiting child is simply a child who has been deemed eligible for adoption, but when adoption authorities in the child’s country reviewed families with completed dossiers, none of those families were open to a child of that age and gender, and with their particular medical or developmental diagnoses. So instead of being referred to a family, the child is listed with adoption agencies who will advocate and try to find a family who will start the adoption process in hopes of adopting that child. Nothing is inherently wrong in this process, but as our partner NGO explained, there are a couple reasons the referral process can be better for both families and children.
Waiting children with Down syndrome are periodically listed in Bulgaria, and usually pursued quickly by a family who steps forward and starts the adoption process from scratch, but when a family has already submitted their dossier before being referred a child, it’s a much shorter time until that child comes home. For families, this means less time between seeing your child’s face, and holding them in your arms. More importantly, for children, this means less time spent in an institution, and a quicker path to their family. In Bulgaria, for example, when pursuing a waiting child it takes about one year from the time a family starts their home study until traveling to complete the adoption, but for a family who has already submitted their dossier, after receiving a referral the first trip is done within one month, and the second trip to pick up their child is 3-4 months later.
So instead of families waiting until they see a child with Down syndrome on the waiting child list before they start the adoption process, MAA and our NGO partner hope to find families to submit their dossier to Bulgaria. Then we can see more children matched before getting to the waiting child list, and home with their families sooner. For young children with Down syndrome, those months saved mean they are in their families receiving medical care, physical and speech therapy, and devoted attention that much sooner, at a time that is so crucial for their health and development.
In some ways, this route is harder on families; you are taking a leap of faith without seeing a specific child, and waiting for the day you get the phone call that there is a child who needs you. But think of it this way- you are giving your child a gift. You are doing the waiting for them, so they don’t have to wait on you. If you are open to adopting a child with Down syndrome, consider whether this could be the path for your family to bring a child home, and take that first step forward knowing your child is out there, and you’ll be waiting for them when they need you.
Families can expect to receive a referral anywhere from one to four months after dossier submittal. Couples, single women and men age 25 and older are eligible to adopt from Bulgaria. There are no specific criteria for marriage length, family size, finances or health. Email catherine@madisonadoption.org or complete our free Prospective Adoptive Parent form to connect with an adoption specialist!
I have known Luke (previously known as ‘Ashton’ with MAA) since 2014. We were together at our orphanage in Northern China (at Shepherd’s Field). He was one of my four closest friends and I felt like he was my brother. I have always hoped that he could find a family. He has been in the orphanage for a long time. He has watched so many friends get adopted. When I got to our orphanage he had just lost another friend who had been adopted. He was so sad.
I had heard that Luke couldn’t get paperwork, and when I found out that he could finally be adopted, I was so happy! Luke is a kind boy and he is really cute. He always just wanted to live a normal life.
I know that he would be happy to be in a family and he really wants one. It really is a big dream for him.
Love his friend, Xinlu/Vicki
MAA is advocating for Luke, a 13 year old boy waiting in China. Through his foster home he received desperately needed heart surgery last year, but he still needs a family to give him the love and support every child deserves. Thanks to generous donors we are able to offer a $5000 grant for a family that adopts him through MAA. Email LindseyG@madisonadoption.org or complete our free Prospective Adoptive Parent form to learn more about Luke and adoption!
Two weeks ago a Colombian children’s home contacted MAA, along with the other agencies they work with, with a desperate plea: to help find a family for a sweet fifteen-year-old girl who was running out of time. Maya was hosted in the US last year and had an adoptive family in process, but for reasons that had nothing to do with her, the family had dropped out. She needed a new family who could complete the homestudy, dossier, and file I-800 by November, or she would age-out of adoption eligibility. The iapa staff raved about what an amazing kid she was, saying she’s “100 out of 100,” one of the best kids they ever had!
We put out the plea, as did other agencies, and within 24 hours had multiple families inquiring! Thankfully a family at another agency stepped forward almost immediately and submitted Letter of Intent, and Maya should have a family in time. We were so relieved. When we told the families who had been interested in her they were all happy for her, but when we said we’d love to share about the other children in danger of aging out who still wait for families… no one was interested.
I understand how a particular child can grab your heart, and children are people, not replaceable or interchangeable, but Maya is just one of thousands of children waiting for a family, one of hundreds who will age-out of adoption eligibility in the coming months. If Maya’s story touched you, surely it’s possible that another child could too? Another face could call out to you saying “Are you my family?”
Harriet
Maybe it’s Harriet, just a few months younger than Maya. She likes to play soccer, basketball, and swim at the pool, but also enjoys just watching movies- all things she should be doing with her own family! Even though she missed out on two years of school, she is motivated to study and learn. She was supposed to come to the US for hosting this summer, her best chance of finding an adoptive family, but due to the coronavirus hosting was cancelled, and Harriet continues to wait for someone to see her.
Or maybe it’s Edward, whose face we can’t even post here due to his country’s regulations, but who has the brightest smile. His heart is to help and serve, and he often spends hours in the kitchen helping the cooks prepare the food and serve the children their meals. He never complains about dishes or chores assigned to him and genuinely does his very best. A gentle soul, he would never hit another child, and there have even been instances where another child has picked a fight with him and he has stood quietly, without retaliation. He is amazing at Zumba and putting dance steps to any song or beat. He likes to have discussions and talk about life rather than play or fool around like other boys his age. The older he gets, the more anxious he is that he may not get a family, but he still has hope that he could have a mother and father that will love and value him. Though he has until April for a family to file I-800, his country process moves very slowly so a family must be found very soon, or he will run out of time.
Brennan
Or what about Brennan? He helps younger children in the orphanage to get food and wash their bowls. Once he found a hurt sparrow on the way home from school and brought it to the orphanage medical staff to see if they could help. He was due to age-out of adoption eligibility in October, however, due to upcoming changes in China’s adoption laws he has likely gained two more years to find a family. But while we celebrate this news, we also acknowledge that he has already been waiting almost four years for a family. MAA has already advocated for him three times! Will more time make a difference for him? Or will it just be two more years of waiting only to still age out, without the permanency, stability, and support of a family?
Maya is a wonderful girl, but children shouldn’t need to be
a perfect “100 out of 100” to get a family. They don’t earn a family by being
good, they deserve a family because they are a child. Each of these kids will
bring their family joy and challenges, but first they need someone to take the
chance to bring them home- before it’s too late.
Just some of the hundreds of children who will “age out” of adoption in the next two years: Elise, Hudson, Luna and Lily, Davie, Mahlia, Brennan, Timothy, Ruby, Cyrus, Orlando, Harriet, Ryan
They came on a hosting trip two summers ago. They had the time of their lives. And after many months of advocacy, a family
was found through another agency. All
was right, and their happy ending was coming.
Fast forward several months, and we come to find out that the family
backed out (nothing having to do with these sweet girls!). How did we find out you ask? Her Plea.
Her heart wrenching, emotional plea.
Teresa managed to reach out to her previous host Mom, begging her to
help find her and her sister, Tia, a family.
We will not share Teresa’s exact words with you, because those belong to
her and her alone. But what we can say is
that after hearing of her plea we immediately snapped into action. So now it is our turn to make a plea. As no 15-year-old should ever have to make
that desperate plea themselves. On
behalf of Teresa and Tia, please, share this post far and wide. Help us find a family so Teresa never has to
make another plea for one again.
Teresa (15 ½) and Tia (12) are sweet, bonded sisters who are physically healthy. Tia does have some cognitive delays, and both have experienced trauma in their past. These sisters want nothing more than to be chosen, to be loved, and to be cherished by a family. We know their family is out there! Please help us find them! Teresa and Tia’s host Mom is happy to chat with any eligible, interested family to share about their experience hosting these precious girls.
Tia and Teresa are available for adoption from Colombia. Interested in learning more about Tia and Teresa, and about Madison Adoption Associates? Please complete our free Prospective Adoptive Parent form and an Adoption Specialist will be in touch with you!
June is Apert Awareness Month! In honor of these amazing children, we are thrilled to be able to offer a $1,000 grant to any eligible family who commits to adopting a child with Apert in the month of June! Apert syndrome is a genetic disorder characterized by craniofacial differences, as well as often syndactyly of fingers and toes.
Over the years, Madison Adoption Associates has found forever families for several children with Apert syndrome – one those families is the Singleton family! And we are honored to have Amie share her experience with you all about adopting a precious boy from China who just so happens to have Apert syndrome.
Thank you Amie, Jean, and James!!
Please ‘meet’ Ramona, Harley, and Daisy. Three amazing children who do not let having Apert syndrome slow them down! These kiddos are full of life! The only thing they are lacking is a family.
Harley (8) & Daisy (7)
Ramona (7 1/2)
Harley (8)
Daisy (7)
Interested in learning more about Harley, Daisy, Ramona, and other children with Apert syndrome available for adoption? Please complete our Prospective Adoptive Parent form to learn more! Or visit our website for more information.
Last night, my daughter fell asleep on my chest. Maybe not all that notable, except that she’s not a baby, she’s six years old. She still needs my husband or I to stay with her until she falls asleep, but last night she crawled on top of me, stomach to stomach, head on my chest, and fell asleep. It was so very sweet (though difficult to escape from!), but mostly, it reminded me how very little she still is. I get at least one piece of artwork from her every day, usually a picture of our family. She loves to hold hands and snuggle. Her favorite outfits these days are too-big t-shirts from her dad’s childhood, paired with jeans so she can stick her hands in her pockets and proclaim “Look, I’m Daddy!” as she struts around the room. When her dad and I both join in a silly dance game with her, she positively beams up at us, so happy just to be with her family. I’m often struck by how much she’s growing up, but truly, six years old is still so little. Six is running in the sprinklers, building forts, playing with baby dolls and believing in magic.
When I talk with adoptive families, they often want to adopt
a younger child, and in many people’s minds “younger” seems to end at five
years old. But six-year-olds still very much need their mommies and daddies, and
there are so many six-year-olds who don’t have any. All these six-year-olds are
still waiting for families. Some have only been listed for adoption recently, but
many have been waiting since they were younger and still haven’t been chosen. Now
they are six- “older,” in the eyes of many, but with so much childhood still to
have. They just need a family to share it with.
Top Row: Atticus, Dominic, Evelyn, Sherman Middle: Coco, Thatcher, Davis, Eric Bottom: Peyton, Marc, Rece, Lyric
One family’s journey adopting a child with Scoliosis
Since June is scoliosis awareness month, it seems only
fitting to introduce you to Madison. Not because she has scoliosis, but because
she is a person whose spirit shines despite scoliosis. Madison was adopted from
China about 4 years ago. Her story is like so many others who have been
fortunate enough to have Madison Adoption Associates involved in their adoption
journeys.
Madison had been on
the shared list as a young girl, but was taken off that list because she was
seen as “unadoptable”. Not only was Madison’s scoliosis severe, but it was
complicated by a muscular dystrophy that left her in a state where any mobility
at all was severely limited. Fast forward many years and Madison Adoption
arrives to advocate for hard to place children. Our Madison was not on the list
of kids to be interviewed, but the team saw her in the periphery, were drawn to
her smile, and inquired about her. They took a personal interest in her and
convinced the staff that she was indeed adoptable and they would find her a
family.
Madison came home to us and her 16 siblings not long after
that. She is a sassy, loving, considerate and strong individual. Her scoliosis
was of utmost concern as it was so severe it had already caused most of her
left lung to collapse. Her scoliosis put her in a position where any activities
of daily living were impossible, and it left her at a level where she could not
engage in life on the same level as others.
Surgery for scoliosis
was not taken lightly. There were many unknowns and many factors to consider.
Foremost in our minds was quality of life for Madison – that included physical
quality of life as well as emotional and social quality of life. It was 2 years
before we were able to get Madison to a place where she was physically strong
enough to handle the major surgery.
Madison’s curve was the largest surgical correction of its type that her surgeon had
ever performed. Her plan of care was altered from the norm in order to give her
the best chance for the fullest amount of correction. She entered the hospital
and was placed in halo traction for 3 weeks. She underwent another surgery to
release the muscles in her back and continued on traction for another 3 weeks.
She then underwent rod and hardware placement to stabilize her back. She never
lost her smile during all that time. We were looking forward to going home and
getting our family back together, Madison missed her siblings more than anything.
However, there were
complications. Madison had to be taken to emergency surgery for removal of the
rods due to nerve damage. A few other complications occurred and Madison was
starting to lose her smile for the first time ever. We consulted with doctors
and determined a short reprieve at home with halo in place was what she needed.
Family had become so important to her and she was missing that security so
much. After 10 days at home we returned to the hospital once again to start the
process over again. Since her back muscles had been released, she needed to
have stabilizing hardware put in. We
could not just stop at this point in the journey. Madison was the smiling
champion we knew her to be and sailed through the remaining
time in the hospital. After almost 4 months in the hospital we came home with a
much taller Madison who was able to engage in life like never before. She
continues to thrive and build strength. Her smile only gets brighter.
We share our journey because we want to provide encouragement if you are considering adopting a child with scoliosis. Every case is different, but there is a person held up by that bent back that makes the journey so rewarding. One of the greatest rewards of adoption is having the privilege to watch your child grow and become the person they were created to be, and sometimes that happens through the challenges they face. It was so apparent that having a family to support her through the most difficult parts was what gave Madison the strength and motivation to endure. She fills our life with such joy and inspires each of us to live better lives as we watch her live a life full of joy despite her physical challenges.
Thank you to Madison and the Bernadsky family for sharing their journey! In honor of June being Scoliosis Awareness Month, Madison Adoption Associates is pleased to offer a $1,000 grant to any qualified family who commits to adopt a child with Scoliosis during the month of June. Please complete our Prospective Adoptive Parent form today to learn more about our adoption programs and the children who wait, like Quaid and Legend below!
So often, a specific child touches the heart of one of our
staff, and that staff member makes it their number one priority to do whatever
they can to find the perfect family for that child. Don’t get me wrong, ALL waiting children are
our priority – we wouldn’t be in this work if they weren’t! But for each of us, there are several children
who, over the years, stand out in our minds.
Several that really imprinted on our hearts, and will stay there
forever. For me, the tears of joy were indescribable
once ‘Max’
and ‘Jayne’
came home! But the tears shed for ‘Lizzie’ were
much different, as, despite our best efforts, she ran out of time to find a
family. At the end of the day, it is the
tears and the passion from both outcomes that urge us to keep pressing
on for the next child. To keep marching
forward, and to keep doing ALL we possibly can to get even just one.more.child home
to a forever family.
‘Doing ALL we possibly can’ looks different for every child and every agency, especially in the midst of a global pandemic! Once we have exhausted every single thing we know to do, we must sometimes think outside of the box. So when we received the email from our colleagues at Agape, or rather, the plea, on behalf of Harry, to help advocate, to jump alongside them to collectively do ALL we possibly can to find this boy a home, we didn’t hesitate. Not even for a moment. Because it doesn’t matter what agency. It doesn’t matter who finds a family for him. ALL that matters is that his family IS found. Before it is too late.
Harry is a sweet boy, who will ‘age-out’ of China’s child
welfare system in October of this year, losing his last chance at a
family. He loves fried chicken, steak,
and hamburgers (a boy after my own heart!).
And he’s very interested in learning how to cook. From those who have met him, Harry has been
observed to be very helpful and attentive towards others.
Harry (formerly Hudson with MAA) is waiting in China. He is 13 ½ years old, and will ‘age-out’ in October. Harry’s file is currently with Agape, and there are grants available to the qualified family who commits to adopt him. Please contact myriam@agapeadoption.org or lindseyg@madisonadoption.org for more information about this precious boy. Or feel free to complete and submit our Prospective Adoptive Parent form and an Adoption Specialist will be in touch to discuss your international adoption options!
When we talk to families about the children who typically wait for adoptive families, there are some common themes: usually children with medical or developmental needs, lots of boys, older children, and siblings. Many families will reply that they are open to siblings, however, the majority of those families are only open to a pair of siblings. So when we learn of a group of three or more siblings who must be placed together… a lot of those raised hands go down.
This is understandable, adopting two children already means more than the double the adjustment, so bringing home three is not something to undertake lightly. That said, I wonder how many families say “no” immediately, without considering- could we really bring three home? It’s not for every family, and we never want families to delve into something they aren’t prepared for, but we hope to encourage you to think about whether you might be the family to keep three siblings together. And who better to help you think through if you could than the families who have already done it?!
Shane, Sarah and their three girls
Shane and Sarah were first time parents when they adopted. After having their niece stay with them for a couple years in high school and college, they felt prepared to adopt older children, and joined MAA’s hosting program in summer 2018. “Originally, we thought we were more suited for hosting/adopting one child because the thought of three was overwhelming at first,” says Sarah. “When we learned of three girls who needed a hosting family, we went on a whim and gave it a try! We felt an instant connection with our girls and had the space for three.” Shane and Sarah hosted when the twins were 9 years old and the eldest was 13, and they were able to travel to Colombia and finalize the adoption the following year.
Other families already have some parenting experience under their belt when they decide to bring home siblings, like Chelsea and Steven, who had one son adopted domestically when they brought home their daughters from Colombia at six, four and two years old. “We think it definitely helped. We had established our parenting style and knew (at least somewhat) what to expect from kids his age and younger.”
Richard and Leonardo also had experience parenting, having previously fostered a single child, and a pair of siblings, but never three at once. They knew they eventually wanted more than one child, but thought they would ease into it by adopting one child first. However, their views changed after a trip to Colombia and learning of the need for families willing to adopt larger sibling groups so that children could stay together. “We realized that we could keep these families together and do so much good from this while still keeping within our comfort level.” It was only a couple months into the process that they learned about the group of three children they would ultimately adopt, who were four, five and six years old when Rich and Leo brought them home earlier this year.
Bringing siblings home together has a lot of benefits and joys, for parents and kids! “Being able to see these beautiful children growing together in our home is hands down the most rewarding,” says Richard. “The children are so tightly bonded to each other that it made the transition emotionally easier on them.” Sarah agrees, “We are so happy they have each other to maintain some of their heritage and traditions. I think one child would get lonely at our house and we didn’t think we could afford to go through the adoption process multiple times.” Siblings are often the one biological familial connection an adoptee has left, so maintaining that by keeping children together has enormous emotional benefits.
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t come without challenges though! “The most challenging thing about adopting three children is of course building on each child’s strengths and improving their weaknesses without any of them feeling left out,” reports Sarah. “These children have deep hurt, and strong emotions come out when recognition, praise, or discipline is given to one child and not the other.” Meanwhile for younger children, Richard says the biggest challenge was “hands down the temper tantrums that they learned from being in an orphanage”- times three! “The three would feed off of each other which made for some challenging times.” However, he says it didn’t last long, and with consistent parenting and structure new, more appropriate behaviors emerged within a month.
Chelsea, Steven, and their four children
So what’s the most important quality for families who are considering adopting a group of three? “Flexibility. Life is going to change like never before and it’s going to keep changing. It’s easier when you can go with the flow and adapt,” says Chelsea. Richard says the key for them has been a strong family foundation- physically, financially, and emotionally. “Having a strong bond between my husband and I has made this transition so much easier for us and the children.”
So as you consider the type of children your family is open to adopting, take the time to think about whether you could adopt three siblings together. It’s important to be realistic about your resources, but don’t let fear prevent you from saying yes to something hard but beautiful. “It has been the hardest thing we have ever done. I was honestly terrified the entire 6 months we spent preparing for this adoption. Terrified we would regret our decision. Terrified we would fail at parenting 4 kids under age 7,” says Chelsea. “But it has been the BEST thing we have ever done. My husband and I and our son have grown so much as a result of this experience and we love our three girls to the moon and back! It feels like they have always been a part of this family and we truly believe we were meant for each other.”
We are currently advocating for sibling groups of three in Colombia, Bulgaria, the Philippines, and the Dominican Republic. To learn more about these children who wait, fill out the free Prospective Adoptive Parent form today to connect with an Adoption Specialist!
